I’ve never been a regular viewer of ‘American Idol,’ but whenever I did watch it, Simon Cowell, the ruthlessly acerbic judge, was the one whose comments I waited for, along with millions of other watchers.  I mean, nobody but the dimmest of couch potatoes perched on the edge of their chair thinking, “Gee, I wonder what Paula’s going to say?” 

Sadly, it’s just been announced that this season will be Cowell’s last as a judge on Idol.

Now I know he’s really busy producing other shows and creating stars and all that, but I have a job for him that I think would be perfect. 

That job?  Watching the performances of big bank executives when they testify before Congress and then issuing his summary judgments on the spot, in front of the cameras, on the Hill. 

We’ve seen these execs testify before and even the withering rage directed at them by various Congressmen came off as little more than firecrackers that didn’t go off.  Too many members of Congress are too deep in the pockets of these banks for their rage to do anything but sputter.

Simon, on the other hand, is not in anybody’s pocket.  He could—and would—call it as he sees it.  Wouldn’t you love to hear his scorn unleashed against these guys who think they can get away with whatever they want?   

Their performances, his remarks and their squirming could be packaged, put on Facebook and get millions of hits.   This could go a long way to producing real financial reform.

What do you think, Simon?  Want to give it a shot?

My blood started boiling as I read a Dec. 15  article in the New York Times  coming in to work about how executives of three large banks—Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and Citigroup–did not show up at the White House for a meeting with President Obama that was to deal with getting these institutions to make more loans to small businesses and consumers.

Their excuse?  Bad weather prevented their flights from getting to Washington from New York on Dec. 14.

So, they had to participate in the hour-long meeting by speaker phone.  This is one case where you can literally say “they phoned it in.”

A year ago, these same banks were all too anxious to get to Washington because that was where the money was that would pull their butts out of the disaster they had created through their risk-taking folly.

Now, however, that they seem to be on a sounder financial footing, and have paid back the bailout funds that were so constricting their bonus and compensation schemes, they let some fog or otherwise inclement weather interfere with meeting with the president.

I ask you, if you knew you were supposed to meet with the president on a Monday morning, wouldn’t you have enough sense as the CEO of a multi-billion dollar institution to check what the weather was supposed to be and, if forecast was poor, go to D.C. the day before?   And if you were too busy as said CEO to do so yourself, couldn’t one of your assistants have done it?

But perhaps you were too busy either counting your expected compensation (since your bank was no longer under TARP restrictions) or bemoaning the fact the public outrage had forced you to forego a cash bonus in favor of stock.

This episode, along with the year-long dithering that has just seen the House pass a financial services reform bill and is still waiting for something to emerge in the Senate, makes me believe that not only has nothing changed, but that thing have actually gotten worse.

It is no secret that the banks that took bailout money last year were in a rush to pay it back because of the salary and bonus restrictions for executives that came with the bailout funds.

Some of these banks are stronger than others and could very well be in a position where they could justifiably pay back the money they owed and then some.  

But it is also no secret that some of these banks, such as Citigroup and Bank of America, are in not in a position to do this.  Nonetheless, the Treasury Department has given its approval to every one of the banks that have said they intend to pay back what they owe because they’re strong enough.

Some banks have raised the money to pay back the funds by issuing stock, others through trading profits.  In any case, many analysts have grave doubts about the condition of some of these mega-monsters.  There is still a lot of garbage on their balance sheets that has not seen the light of day but will have to be accounted for in terms of massive losses, probably sometime next year.  Apparently these doubts don’t extend to anyone in charge at Treasury.

There’s been no twisting of arms that I can see.  And further, these banks know that should they approach the brink again, Treasury is there for them, wouldn’t dare to let them fail.

It really is past time for Treasury to get out of bed with Wall Street and start thinking about the rest of us.  And if some bankers sticking their fingers in the president’s eye won’t do it, what will?

As if Goldman Sachs did not already have enough image problems as the biggest pig at the Wall Street trough, it is now the most serious contender for the 2009 Marie Antoinette Award, which recognizes singular achievements in out-of-touch condescension.

Goldman has made no secret of the fact that it has set aside some $16.7 billion to be paid out to its employees as bonuses for the year 2009.  Now, this is a pretty big pile of money to have amassed just one year after coming close to a meltdown and accepting government (i.e., taxpayer) funds.   In fact, it’s more than just pretty big, it’s obscene.

It’s big enough and obscene enough to make ordinary people who are struggling to find jobs, pay the bills, keep the house out of foreclosure, etc. want to do things to Goldman that usually only happen in chainsaw movies.  After all, these people figure, we pulled their butts out of the fire with taxpayer money and now they’re rubbing our noses in these outlandish bonuses only a year later.

These violent urges are compounded by the knowledge that Goldman’s excesses are part of what brought about the severe unemployment situation, the cratering housing market and the all but invisible credit market.

This rage is strong enough that it apparently has reached the ivory towers of the executive suites of Wall Street and caused some (minor) tremors.  What if the politicians who up to now have been in our pockets grab hold of this rage and use it to start fencing us in?  Or the more likely scenario: What if this rage becomes so strong that these politicians have no choice but to grab hold of it, even if they don’t want to leave our pockets?

In the face of this, Goldman’s CEO Lloyd Blankfein apologized, sort of.  Just recently he said, “We participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret.  We apologize.”

But as we all know, words are cheap.  So Goldman decided to put some of its money where its mouth is.  It announced that it would be taking $500 million of that $16.7 billion and using it to support some 10,000 small businesses.  That is, it would take $100 million a year for 5 years to finance that support.

Do the calculation and you come up with 3% of the bonus pool.  I’m sure Goldman is hoping that this pittance will satisfy the rabble and calm them down. 

However, for a company that has no trouble whatsoever putting two and two together, it is likely that this gesture will prove to be a rather large miscalculation.  It’s hard to think of any act in the last few years that smacks more of “Let them eat cake” condescension.

And so, my friends, it is for these crumbs that Goldman is crowned the winner of the 2009 Marie Antoinette Award.  

May Goldman’s reputation for insufferable condescension live as long as the award’s namesake.  And may that reputation start to have a corrosive effect on the only place for which Goldman has any real feeling—its bottom line.